


Home is whenever I'm with you

by wanpeito



Category: Second Act (2018)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27464515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanpeito/pseuds/wanpeito
Summary: Missing scene after Zoe leaves for art school, and Joan helps to pick up the pieces left behind.
Relationships: Maya/Joan
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes this is self-indulgent and I am christening this ship - the movie's whole tag! - but after seeing the way Joan looks at Maya in nearly every scene, what was I meant to do?! So I did something about it, and here we are. 
> 
> This is my first EVER published fic, first fic ever written at all, really. Because this is such a random movie with a small audience I'm basically not expecting anyone to ever read it, but if you do, please let me know. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you.
> 
> Fic title is from the song "Home" by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros.

Maya watched Zoe’s red coat disappear as she retreated around the corner and her world caved in on itself. For so many years she had dreamt of having a second chance with her daughter, only to watch that chance slip through her fingers because of her own lies. Bile burned the back of her throat. Her skin prickled with adrenaline. She wanted to run, get away from here.

She must have been cognizant enough to flag down a cab, because her next solid moment of lucidity is of suddenly being stood on the curb outside Joan’s house, and the sound of the taxi pulling away. The driveway was empty. _She’s not here._ Figures. Maya scaled the steps of her porch anyway, sinking down on the top step, drawing her knees up to her chin. The thoughts rose up again, from where they’d been tamped down. _My daughter’s gone. Again. It’s what you deserve, for what you did to her._ She could feel herself curling inward like burning paper, towards the pain, instead of away from it. Wallowing in it. She tightly closed her eyes, clenched her teeth, her fists, her whole body coiling up in grief, boiling under her skin, threatening to consume her from inside. _  
_

“Sh- ...Shoot, Maya. You scared the crud out of me!”

Maya’s eyes shot open. Joan had rounded the corner towards her house, arms piled high with grocery bags, still dressed in her work clothes and looking dog-tired. Maya had been so distracted by her own thoughts that she hadn’t even heard her car pull into the driveway. She watched as Joan gingerly bent down to pick up an orange that had launched itself out of her bag when she’d startled, trying not to drop the rest of her groceries in the process. She stood up and readjusted the bags in her arms and looked up at Maya, taking her in. Joan’s mouth closed in a thin line, her eyebrows furrowing. She climbed the steps, piled the bags in front of the door, and carefully sat down next to Maya on the top stair in a manner not unlike someone trying not to spook a wounded animal. 

“Did something happen, baby? Is it Trey? Zoe?” Joan’s voice was hushed, worried. She could only imagine what an absolute wreck she looked, no wonder she’d been able to read her like an open book. Joan tilted her head down to try and look Maya in the eye. Maya looked away, pulled her arms tighter around herself. She swallowed hard.   
  
“She’s gone.”   
  
“Gone?”   
  
“Zoe’s gone.”   
  
She saw Joan flinch beside her. There was a heavy pause.   
  
“Not… dead?”   
  
“What? No. To London. She’s going to art school.”   
  
“Oh. Jesus.” Joan exhaled loudly, rubbed her face. “Thank God.” Joan pulled her cigarettes from her pocket, lit one, and took a long draw on it. She offered it to Maya, but she shook her head. “But she’ll be coming back, right? I mean, it’s just a few years. And there’s the holidays.”   
  
Joan’s cigarette smoke hung heavily in the cold February air, swirling like incense.   
  
“She…” The words were thick in her throat. She forced them out, with some significant effort, but once they came, they tumbled out so fast it was hard to stop. “She told me she can’t... trust me anymore, after the presentation, all the lies I’d told to get that job. She doesn’t know whether to believe all the things I told her about my real life, about her, and… giving her away. That she doesn’t really know who I am. If the things I’d said about always wanting her were real.” Her whole body started to tremble. “She’s gone. I don’t know if she’s ever coming back.” 

“Fuck.”  
  
Surprising even herself, Maya let out a shaky laugh. It was weirdly comforting to hear Joan _actually_ swear instead of censor herself. Joan tapped some ash from her cigarette, lost in her own thoughts. She reached her free hand out to touch Maya’s hand, but recoiled.   
  
“You’re freezing! How long have you been sitting out here, you dumbass? You have a _key_ !”   
  
Joan stood up and fumbled in the pocket of her jacket for her house key and Maya heard her open the door and maneuver her grocery bags into the house. Joan looked back out at her from the doorway. She hadn’t moved from the step. “C’mon, you’re letting the cold in.” Joan put her arm around her, helped her up onto her shaky legs, and bundled her into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

Maya listened to the sound of Joan puttering around in the kitchen putting away her groceries. Maya sank further into Joan’s sofa and ran her fingertips along the smooth hem of the blanket wrapped around her shoulders that Joan had flung around her shoulders on the way to the kitchen. How much the cold had wormed into her bones had only hit her when the warmth of the house had started to soothe it away, and she began to shiver. The bite of her cold skin kept trying to draw her back into the dark at the edge of her mind, but the domestic sounds of drawers opening and shutting, bags crinkling, muffled exclamations as things fell out of cupboards, kept puncturing her thoughts and bringing her back to the present, reminding her she wasn’t alone. 

As long as she’d known her, Joan had always been a constant, solid presence in her life. A hardass too, sure - Joan was never one to sugarcoat things or hesitate to tear you a new one if you deserved it. But after losing all her family and having had an unstable home life for so many years growing up, the knowledge that a pair of open arms, a warm home, a hot meal, were always there when times were hard was like a lifebuoy keeping Maya afloat. Even after she moved in with Trey, she always found herself being pulled back here in a crisis. It wasn’t really all that surprising to her that she’d ended up on Joan’s doorstep on instinct even in the midst of blind panic.

She looked up at the sound of footsteps. Joan entered the room with two beers and flopped ungraciously onto the sofa beside Maya, propping up her feet on the coffee table and huffing her bangs out of her eyes. She’d shedded her work clothes somewhere along the line, had bundled herself into a loose hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. 

“The boys are at my Dad’s, so we’ve got the house to ourselves, thank God.” She took a swig of one of the beers. “These are both for me. Don’t get excited.” Maya laughed out of her nose, and Joan pressed one of the bottles into her hand. She took it, took a big swig from it and let her head fall back against the sofa, closing her eyes. She heard the clink of Joan putting her own bottle down on the table, felt the sofa shift as Joan turned to face her.   
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Her stomach twisted. She didn’t know if she knew how to open that box without falling apart. She opened her eyes and picked at the bottle label with her fingernail, anything but looking Joan in the eye. 

“I don’t know,” She breathed out a ragged breath. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe I did this to her. Why did I let it go this far?”   
  
_Why? Why? Why?_ She could feel the door inside her mind starting to rattle itself open. The sofa shifted as Joan shuffled a little closer, prying the bottle from her shaking hands and put it down beside her own. She took Maya’s left hand, fully this time, and clasped it between both of her own. Joan ran her thumb gently over her knuckles, but Maya’s hands balled themselves into tight fists.   
  
“You’re a good person Maya, you did a bad thing, well, a series of really dumb things that yeah… we should have stopped before they went this far. I should have kicked Dilly’s ass and we should have chalked it up as a stupid idea. We just got caught up in it all. But all this, it doesn’t make you a bad person.” She leaned down to try and catch Maya’s gaze, but Maya kept her eyes locked to her knees. “You tried to fix it. You put all your cards on the table, told the truth. She has so much to process, baby. Just give her some time. It’ll be ok.”   
  
_She’s just saying that because she’s your friend, she has to say that._ _I don’t deserve her kindness. Her pity. I had it all in the palm of her hand and ruined it all just for a stupid job, hadn’t stopped it before it was too late. I’m a terrible person. A terrible mother. A liar. A fraud. I don’t deserve to see her again._ Her face felt hot, her body cold, her lungs gulping for air.   
  
_What if I never see her again?_  
  
The thought shattered in her mind like glass, loud and sudden. The tears, once they came, fell thick and unrelenting, her whole body quivering, collapsing in on herself. She heard Joan whisper a soft “shit”. Joan scrambled to drop onto her knees on the floor in front of her, shoved the coffee table out of the way, and gathered Maya up in her arms. She was aware that Joan was whispering things to her, could feel her breath rippling over her face, but she couldn’t hear her, could only hear her blood rushing through her ears, her vision tunnelled. 


	3. Chapter 3

Joan carded her fingers gently through Maya’s hair, and held her for God knows how long. She didn’t care how long it took, as long as Maya knew she wasn’t alone while this storm ravaged her. She couldn’t begin to imagine how it felt to lose a child not once, but twice, the grief that must be tearing her up. She hoped that crying it out might release some of that pain. She didn’t know how to fix it other than to be there for her, even if it took a couple of sore knees to do so.  _ It’s ok, let it out, it’s going to be ok. Shh. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok.  _ After some time, she felt, rather than saw, Maya start to come back to herself - her grip on the back of Joan’s shirt loosening, her body untensing in Joan’s arms. Her gulping breaths evening out, warm in the hollow of Joan’s neck, her collar damp with both Maya’s tears and her own, though she was trying to hold them back as much as she could. Joan had always been an empathetic crier, it was kind of embarrassing. She closed her eyes, stroked the hair at the nape of Maya’s neck with her thumb. Joan sniffled a bit. She felt Maya tense slightly in her arms. She disentangled herself from Joan just enough to look her in the eye, and Joan knew she’d been caught. Joan let out a shaky laugh and wiped her face on her sleeve.   
  
“Why’d you have to cry, you idiot? You know when you cry it sets me off.” She pretended to punch Maya in the arm, hoping the familiar joke would break the ice. She was rewarded with a small, if watery, smile, her nose crinkling a little. Joan realised this was the first time Maya had looked her in the eye since she’d turned up on her doorstep, and the relief that swept over Joan was palpable.  _ There she is. _ Hopefully the worst of the… panic attack, pure unadulterated grief, whatever it was… had receded enough to let Maya breathe for a little while and collect herself, straighten out her thoughts.   
  
Taking advantage of this momentary calm, Joan peeled Maya off of her and lent on the coffee table to pull herself back up onto her feet, feeling every single one of her 48 years in the soreness of her legs from kneeling on the ground for so long. She launched herself back onto the sofa inelegantly, groaning as she sank back down into the chair, rubbing her knees, trying to bring them back to life. She grabbed the tissue box from the side table, grabbed one and passed the rest of the box to Maya. Maya wiped her face, sighed, then settled herself back against Joan’s shoulder beside her, tucking her legs up on the seat. She took Joan’s hand, toyed with her long red nails with the pads of her thumb. 

It was such a common habit between them that she assumed Maya was basically running on autopilot, but Joan found that increasingly these small acts of comfortable intimacy made her chest ache. It had been a slow build - she didn’t know what the tipping point had been, there was no lightning bolt moment where her eyes had been opened and her feelings had completely tilted on their axis. It had built slowly, like the warmth from a hot bath soaking deep into your bones. Small things, like remembering her coffee order, fetching it to work from that nice place near the park instead of having to start the day on that sludge from the coffee pot. Turning up to all the boys’ sports games even after a long shift and ending up bent double with genuine laughter at some of Joan’s more creative insults for the 8th graders on the opposite team. Tossing Dilly a twenty to watch his brother so that she could whisk Joan away for an evening of wine and pizza and feeling like a human for five minutes instead of just a Mom. They clicked, they had since the minute they had met, seemed to know what the other needed and always met in the middle. Equals.

After Carlos left her and the kids to go make a whole new family for himself, leaving them with nothing, Maya had been the one by her side helping her to pick up the pieces of her life, and somehow, as Maya tended to her and the boys with singular focus, the temperature rose, like a frog in a pot. She always knew Maya was beautiful, for fucks sake she wasn’t blind, but now it felt like every time the smiled the whole sun shine out of her fuckin’ ass, and Joan couldn’t put the lid back on. Although it made her heart ache, it made her genuinely happy to see how happy Trey had made her, until the end of their relationship had been another kick to Maya’s guts. She couldn’t hate him for it, she understood why he’d had to leave. But seeing Maya so crushed made her want to gather her up in her arms and tell her  _ I’m here, baby. I won’t ever leave you. _   
  
But she couldn’t. She’d learned to swallow her feelings, to push them down. She wouldn’t dare risk the most important relationship she’d ever had with another person on a one-sided crush. For fucks sake, the woman was there beside her for the birth of her  _ children _ , even their own _ father _ wasn’t there for that. She couldn’t gamble losing it all and risk being rejected by her closest friend, her  _ person _ . If Maya rejected her feelings, rejected her, she didn’t know what she’d do.

But in the quiet tender moments like this, the soft touch of Maya’s fingers playing with her own - especially in the aftermath of the intense experience she’d just helped Maya to weather - really frayed the edges of her resolve. She leant forward and grabbed her beer from the coffee table just for something to do with her hands. Maya settled back in against her shoulder. Joan cleared her throat nervously.   
  
“Did the, uh, move go ok? That was today, right?” She tried to keep the conversation light enough to avoid the topic of Zoe, but enough to distract Maya (and herself) from her own thoughts. She felt Maya flinch slightly where she was leaning against her shoulder, clearly zoned out until Joan had spoken.    
  
“Oh, yeah it all went fine. I didn’t really have that much left to move out since I wasn’t there too long. I left most of my stuff in storage.” She went quiet for a minute, seemed to be wrestling with something in her mind. She could see Maya fiddling with the hem of her blouse in her peripheral vision, now her hands were away from Joan’s. She felt the urge to grab them and quiet them, but resisted. “I was wondering. I know it’s kind of short notice but, would it be ok if I crashed here for a few days, just ‘til I find somewhere else?”   
  
“Sure, you can sleep in the yard.” 

Maya laughed. “Wow. So generous.”   
  
“I know, right?” She nudged Maya with her shoulder. “Obviously you can stay, idiot. You didn’t even have to ask.”   
  
Maya released a long breath; Joan wondered how long she’d been holding it. Her body relaxed into Joan’s arm. She could feel her breast resting against her bicep, her thigh warm against her own, her breath ghosting across her cheek where her chin rested on her shoulder. Joan took a swig of her beer to try and occupy her racing brain.   



	4. Chapter 4

Knowing she wasn’t gonna be homeless uncoiled a tight spring in Maya’s head she didn’t know she’d been holding. She knew, intellectually, that she had enough money saved from working at Franklin & Clarke to tide her over in a hotel for a while until she found somewhere - but that hadn’t stopped the ingrained financial and residential insecurity that followed her around from foster care and beyond to worm its way under her skin. She felt some of her tension evaporate and cuddled up closer to Joan, who felt to her ever more like the rock keeping her safe from a swelling tide. 

She tilted her head up to look at her. Her eyes were closed. Her teeth were toying with her lip. There were specks of black mascara stain on her cheeks from where she’d been crying earlier. Crying because Maya had cried.

The way Joan cared so deeply about the people she loved, with her entire being, was one of Maya’s favorite things about her. It didn’t always show itself in conventional ways; most of her compliments were backhanded or wrapped up in a dry joke to try and avoid being too “deep”. And sometimes her advice or hare-brained schemes were… questionable. But when she loved you, you knew it. She worked all the hours Value Shop would give her, sometimes taking on a second job if she needed to, to keep her boys safe and fed and warm, to make sure they never knew the unstable life she’d had as a child. She never missed a soccer game or school play, and was always the loudest supporter in the audience, even if the boys found it embarrassing. She celebrated their wins, like a good report card, or Dilly’s scholarship, as if they’d singlehandedly solved world peace - her pride in them poured out of her like water. Joan is intensely emotionally present. If you cry, she cries, because her happiness is dependent on yours. Her door and arms are always open if you need her, no questions asked, no judgement. Maya felt drawn to her from the moment they met because the kind of unconditional stability she got from her relationship with Joan was something she’d craved her whole life.

Maya, fueled by a compulsion she didn’t really understand, reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Joan’s ear so she could see her face more clearly. When her fingers made contact with the soft skin of Joan’s cheek as they brushed by, Joan’s eyes shot open as if she’d been ripped out of a deep thought. Blinking quickly, she turned her head to look at Maya questioningly. Joan’s dark eyes looked down at her through thick eyelashes, flitted around Maya’s face as if trying to read her. From this close distance her eyes truly looked bottomless. Her mouth had fallen open slightly in surprise, she could smell beer and cigarettes on her breath. She could feel the warmth radiating from her face. A thought percolated up from some corner of her brain, unbidden:  _ I want to kiss her.  _

_ What?   
  
Where had that come from? _   
  
But… it felt right. It was the only thing right now that made sense. She felt safe right now for the first time in hours and it was, she realized, because of Joan. Joan made her feel safe, always had. And something inside her was calling out to feel safe, and… wanted.   
  
She’d have to be an idiot to never have noticed the way Joan looked at her sometimes, had allowed herself to wonder, but never allowed herself to truly entertain it. Figured it was just how they were, part of their relationship, a playful flirtation that didn’t mean anything. Plus there was Trey and… now there’s no Trey. No anyone. Just Joan, who was always there.   
  
She sucked in a breath through her teeth, swallowed hard, trying not to get ahead of herself. Joan held her gaze, trying to coax whatever was on the tip of her tongue out of her. God Joan’s eyes really were so, so dark, you had to be this close to even see her irises at all. She felt her pulse quicken, she was sure Joan must be able to feel it against her arm. She experimentally reached up and cupped Joan’s face, ran her thumb over her high cheekbone. It felt natural, like all their casual touching always did, but... Joan seemed to melt into her hand, leaning into it, closing her eyes, let out the sweetest sigh... then caught herself, frozen, her eyes shooting open again. _ Oh. _


	5. Chapter 5

_ Shit. _ The air felt thick around her. She couldn’t breathe. She’d fucked up. Had she noticed her reaction? Had she heard her? Maya’s hand was still cupping her face, though her thumb had stilled. She could feel Maya’s heart racing where her chest touched her arm.  _ Shit.  _ She needed to control herself. Needed to find some restraint. Maya needed her right now, she’d had one of the worst days of her life. But Maya’s face was so close to hers, and her eyes, her warm, honey eyes, kept flitting from her eyes to her lips. 

Joan launched herself onto her feet on instinct.   
  
“I.. I uh, I…” Her eyes darted her, looking for an excuse, any excuse. “I left some ice cream on the counter, I need to put it in the freezer, I’ll be right back”    
  
She practically flew out of the room without touching the ground. She braced herself against the kitchen sink the second as she was out of Maya’s sight, drew some cold water from the faucet in shaky hands and splashed it over her face.  _ Get a grip! Get a fucking grip, Joan!  _ She closed her eyes, tried to control her breathing. Maya was just being tactile, they were always tactile, it didn’t mean a damn thing, couldn’t have. But the way she was looking at her…    
  
_ Fuuuuuuck.  _   
  
She didn’t hear Maya follow her into the kitchen. What she felt was a warm hand plant itself softly on the small of her back. Joan slammed her eyes closed.

“Joanie?” her voice was impossibly quiet, barely a whisper. She felt Maya step beside her. She put her hand over Joan’s where it clinged white-knuckled to the rim of the sink for dear life. “Joan. Look at me.”  
  
Joan turned with gritted teeth, bracing herself for Maya’s reaction to how she’d behaved back there. Her legs nearly gave way beneath her when she saw how close Maya’s face was to her own. At this distance she could have counted the freckles in her eyes. Her hand returned to it’s previous post cupped against Joan’s jaw. She could see Maya wrestling with herself in the way her eyes couldn’t focus on any one part of Joan’s face. Joan felt absolutely frozen in place, as if a twitch of a muscle might fracture whatever was happening here.  
  
“Joan, I’m sorry if I… but I…” As if testing the water, Maya leaned even closer, brushing the tips of their noses together. “I just need…” The hand cupping her cheek made its way into her hair and Maya broke the meager distance between them, her lips brushing against Joan’s. Pushing down all her instincts telling her to stop, she kissed her back, slowly, tentatively, scared that she’d somehow misread this. She could feel herself trembling. 

Maya must have felt her shaking, because the hand in her hair trailed down her shoulder and arm to lace their fingers together. “It’s ok” she whispered across Joan’s lips. “I promise… just…  _ please _ .”

Joan let out a strangled rasp. Hearing her plead like that… plead for  _ her _ , made Joan feel totally unhinged, and it took Herculean effort not to lose control entirely. But... if this is what she needed right now, then fuck, she’d give it to her, and if this was the only time she’d ever get to do this, if Maya woke tomorrow and pretended this never happened, was just a rebound, some weird fucked up coping mechanism in a moment of grief, then Joan was going to secure each moment in her own memory. She cupped her face in both hands - _ God, her skin was so soft  _ \- tilted her head and kissed her with singular purpose.   
  
Maya chased her lips with her own. She could feel her smiling against her mouth. Joan had wanted her so badly for so long and kissing her, knowing she wanted it - at least right now - felt better than she’d ever imagined. 

Maya pulled Joan’s bottom lip between her teeth and bit down, taking advantage of Joan parting her lips in surprise to deepen the kiss, dancing like this until they were both breaking apart to gasp for air. Joan ran her fingers through Maya’s hair, tilted Maya’s head back to look at her, needing to double check for her own sanity that this was ok.   



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The E rating is here, folks.  
> \----------------------

Joan’s cheeks were red with heat, her lips were swollen, parted, curved in a lopsided smile. Her eyes were hooded, her pupils blown, leaving her already dark eyes almost entirely jet black. She was looking up Maya with unabashed wonder, like she was a miracle, a mirage. It was impossibly sexy. She slid her hands down to Joan’s sides, ran her fingers over her exposed back where her hoodie had ridden up. There was nothing underneath it. She felt Joan shiver, goosebumps rise up to meet her hands. Joan wrapped her arms loosely around Maya’s neck, bringing their foreheads together.  
  
“Hey.” Joan’s voice, low and raspy at the best of times, had fallen lower than Maya had ever heard it. Staring into each others eyes, they grinned at each other like two stupid teenagers. Maya kissed her chastely on the lips.   
  
“Hey yourself.”   
  
Joan’s throaty laugh rumbled against her chest. She ran her fingers through Maya’s hair. “I’m not like, hallucinating, am I? Did I fall into a coma or some shit and this is some Doctor trying to resuscitate me?”

Maya laughed. “I hope not.”

A comfortable silence stretched between them, until evidently Joan couldn’t hold back the question that bubbled up in her throat any longer.  
  
“What… what is this Maya?”   
  
The hand on the small of Joan’s back stilled for a moment, then her thumb resumed it’s back and forth down her vertebrae, a puff of a sigh leaving her mouth by Joan’s ear.   
  
“I don’t know, I just… It just feels right.” She swallowed with some difficulty. “It feels right, doesn’t it?”

Joan chuckled, rested her chin firmly on Maya’s shoulder.   
“Yeah.” she sighed, more than said. “It feels right.”

Joan’s fingers began drawing soothing circles at the base of Maya’s neck, sometimes playfully scratching gently with the tips of her nails. Such a simple action turned Maya on more than she cared to admit, especially when they grazed over her pulse point. Maya’s hands crept higher beneath Joan’s hoodie, experimentally dragged her fingernails down the smooth planes of her back. She was rewarded with a low keening noise. Maya wanted to hear that noise again and again.   
  
“Take it off.” came out of Maya’s mouth in a whisper, before she could stop herself. Joan spluttered in surprise.   
  
“Jesus _Christ_!” Joan hissed. She took a second to center herself, before breaking apart from Maya enough to grab hold of the bottom of her hoodie. She stopped before going any further, looked up at Maya with wide, nervous eyes. “You’re… you’re sure about this?” 

Maya nodded and smiled at her, took both her hands, helped her pull her hoodie over her head, revealing a plain, black, cotton bra underneath. After dropping the hoodie on the floor Joan slumped a little, covering her belly with her arm. They’d been close friends long enough that they’d obviously seen each other in states of undress more times than Maya could count - in dressing rooms, in each other’s bedrooms before a party, in the hospital. But this was unquestionably different, so she understood Joan’s self-consciousness, even if it was unwarranted. Even before the wool fell from her eyes she’d thought Joan was gorgeous in an effortless, confident, rogue-ish, way that she’d always admired, wished she could bottle for herself. But now she could feel Joan’s anxiety pouring off her in waves. Trying to soothe her, Maya ran her hands up and down Joan’s now bare sides unimpeded. After a little while, Joan relaxed into it, her tense arms falling away to take Maya by the waist. 

Maya felt entirely too clothed, now, and reached into the narrow space between them to start unbuttoning her blouse, only to find her hands interrupted at the first button.  
  
“Please let… let me.”   
  
Maya let her hands fall away, watched as Joan, hands shaking, carefully unpopped button after button. When she reached the last button she slid it open slowly, almost reventially, panting softly as she slipped it off Maya’s shoulders and onto the ground. Her hands hovered over Joan’s skin as if scared she’d get burned. Although this nervous side of Joan was absolutely adorable, and she wanted to give her time to get over this personal hurdle she was clearly grappling with, Maya also felt like if she didn’t touch her soon she might combust.   
  
“Please… _baby._ ”  
  
Joan let out a low feral noise that made Maya’s knees feel weak. Something had obviously, finally, clicked inside her, because she hopped up onto the edge of the counter and pulled Maya’s body up against her, between Joan’s open thighs. She left hot, open mouthed kisses from her ear down to her collar bone, and Maya grabbed onto Joan’s thighs to keep herself steady. She could feel the heat radiating from between Joan’s legs through the thin material of her sweatpants against her bare stomach and it made Maya suddenly very aware of the wetness between her own legs. She pressed their bodies together, moaning as her nipple brushed against Joan’s chest through the thin material of her bra. Joan’s mouth made contact with a spot just below her ear and she keened, her hands flying up into her hair to hold her there. She felt Joan’s moan rumble against her neck and she sucked the skin there, dragged her teeth over the spot. Her skin felt like it was crackling with electricity at every point of contact with Joan - it was almost overwhelming. She started trembling. Joan broke away, looked up at her, eyes full of concern. Maya couldn’t help the little laugh that bubbled up from somewhere, ran her fingers through her own hair nervously.   
  
“I’m ok, I promise. I’m just very…” Maya swallowed thickly, blinked slowly. _Very turned on,_ but she couldn’t voice that. Their bodies were still flush with one another, she could feel Joan’s heart, or maybe her own, hammering against her ribcage. Taking a calculated risk, she took Joan’s hand where it rested against her hip, slid it beneath her skirt to cup her through her very wet underwear. She nearly keeled over as she felt Joan reflexively flex her fingers against her, bit back a moan that came out strangled. Joan’s eyes were wide as saucers.  
  
“Fuck... you’re so wet…”   
  
“Please…” was all Joan could coax out of herself, and even that took extraordinary effort. Now that Joan’s warm hand was pressed against her, all rational thought was well and truly thrown out the window. She just… _needed_. Needed Joan.  
  
“Fuck.” Joan moaned, more than said. She felt Joan’s grip on her waist tighten, her breath ragged, strained. “Bed. Bedroom.” 


	7. Chapter 7

After several short detours to roughly kiss one another against various surfaces throughout Joan’s house, shedding layers as they went, they finally fell into bed in a tangled heap. Joan hovered over her, propped up on one arm, the other stroking its way up and down Maya’s bare side, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Her hair was tossed over one shoulder, tickling Maya’s neck. Joan leaned down to kiss her languidly, drinking her in. Joan ran her fingertips over Maya’s bare chest, palming her breast, ghosting her fingers over her nipple. Maya arched up into her hand, was rewarded by Joan’s mouth leaving her own to kiss her way down her ribcage and take her other nipple into her mouth, laving it with her tongue. Maya’s fingers found their way into her hair, holding her there. Joan smiled up at her predatorially, toyed with her other nipple with her hand as she dragged her teeth over the one in her mouth, took it back into her mouth, sucked. Maya moaned, the grip on Joan’s hair tightening, pulling. A low strangled moan vibrated against her mouth that caused a frisson up Maya’s spine. She scratched her fingernails over Joan’s scalp, adjusted her grip and did it again. Joan’s mouth left her nipple with a wet popping sound, and she let out a moan that turned into a laugh.  
  
“That’s cheating. This is about you.” She batted Maya’s hand away, pressed it into the mattress by her head, entwined their fingers. She hovered her lips over Maya’s. Her hot breath ghosted over her mouth. “Let me take care of you, baby”

She kissed her way down Maya’s body, sliding down until she was knelt between her legs. Her hands found their way to Maya’s thighs, scratched her lightly with her long red acrylics.  
  
“As much as I’d like to…” she watched as Joan swallowed heavily, trying to get a hold of herself. She laughed nervously, ran one hand through her own hair. “As much as I’d like to fuck you into this mattress it’s just not gonna be practical with these claws.”  
  
Maya’s mouth went dry, she felt like all her blood had rushed between her legs at hearing those words come out of Joan’s mouth. Of _course_ Joan is as candid in the bedroom as she is outside of it, Maya didn’t know what she had expected, but holy shit was it hot. She made intense eye contact with Maya as the hand that was in her hair made its way back to her thigh, kneading them with both hands. She licked her lips.  
  
“Can I taste you?” Joan whispered, low and thready. 

Another wave of ache. Of need.  
  
“Please...”  
  
It sounded more desperate than Maya had hoped. Joan’s eyes flashed, her hips twitched, the grip on her thighs tightened. She bit her lip, moved her hands to smooth over the planes of Maya’s stomach, scratching her lightly over any spot that made Maya squirm. She danced her hands around, never touching where she really wanted her. She was so close to begging but couldn’t form the words, only for Joan to slide her hands away, take a hair-tie from her wrist and pull up her hair. She smiled down at her and winked, her head tilted. Maya felt like she was going to melt on the spot. _Oh Maya. You are in so much trouble._

Joan shuffled further down the bed and raked Maya’s underwear off her body, staring down at her like she had just been presented the most delicious dessert she’d ever seen. She leaned down and left wet kisses along the inside of Maya’s legs, up to the apex of her thighs. She looked up at Maya, locked eyes with her as she finally, _finally_ , gave one long, languid lick along the length of her with the flat of her tongue.  
  
Maya felt like she was fucking _levitating_. Her hands scrambled to grab onto the bedsheets for dear life. Joan’s mouth was hot and wet against her as she lapped at her gently, painfully slowly, interspersed with gentle nips at her thighs with her teeth, soothed with the heat of her tongue. One hand snaked its way under Maya’s hips, lifting her enough to adjust the angle. The other hand slid up Maya’s body, found Maya’s hand and linked their fingers. Squeezed once, as if to say “I’m here”. This gesture made Maya’s heart ache, feeling tears unexpectedly prickle at her eyes. Joan looked up at her from between her legs, her eyes both soft and intense, and Maya had to close her eyes, feeling herself getting unexpectedly emotional. 

Joan grazed her clit with her teeth in her exploration and Maya’s hips bucked up into her mouth. She felt Joan hum against her, grazing her fingernails over Maya’s ass now that she’d risen off the bed, kneading it with her hand. Joan opened her up with her tongue, dipping inside her, swirling, the universe narrowing to this one point where her pulse is hammering, aching inside her. Her tongue found her clit and they found an easy rhythm, Maya rocking into Joan’s mouth, desperate sounds falling from her lips that she’d be embarrassed by if she wasn’t so overstimulated. Her body felt like an instrument humming at a brand new frequency she had no control over, everything too much and not enough.  
  
Joan looked up at Maya, taking in the picture of her body arching up off the bed, her chest heaving with each labored breath, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth in concentration, trying to hold on to herself. She thought she’d never looked so beautiful as she did now, writhing beneath her, and suddenly felt intensely lucky that Maya had allowed her to see her so vulnerable, to give her the gift of herself. She wanted, more than anything, to make sure that gift was rewarded. With renewed purpose, she fucked Maya over the edge with her mouth, Maya coming with a strangled sound, still fluttering around her tongue.

Completely boneless and trying to catch her breath, Maya suddenly felt all the coolness of the room around her, goosebumps prickling up her bare legs. She pried her eyes open and blinked herself back into focus, finding Joan curled up beside her, propped up on one elbow. She reached out and brushed some stray hair behind Maya’s ear. The open fondness, tenderness in her face made Maya’s chest ache. It turned into a very sly grin.  
  
“Welcome back.” Joan’s voice was low, husky - her grin turned toothy, the cat that got the proverbial and, she supposed, literal cream. Maya lifted her arm to reach out to her. Maya took the hint, knew Maya was still too out of it to have full control of her limbs, and tucked herself into Maya’s side. She kissed Maya’s cheek, her fingers trailing up and down her bare side. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”  
  
The implication of that sentence wasn’t lost on Maya, and she groaned despite herself. Joan just laughed, throaty, and kissed her on the mouth. She tasted herself on Joan’s lips, chased it, feeling her second wind wash over her. Her free hand found purchase on Joan’s ass, scratching the cheek with her short fingernails as she grabbed. Joan moaned, slipped her knee between Mayas, pressing her ass into Joan’s hand. She could feel Joan’s wetness on her bare thigh. It made Maya ache. She desperately wanted to make Joan feel as good as Joan had made her feel. She may not have ever slept with a woman before, but she was no stranger to her own fingers, so was less nervous than she anticipated she would be. She experimentally smoothed her hand over Joan’s ass down, down, until her fingers found her wet slit. Joan arched into her hand, her eyes slamming closed, her mouth dropping open in a silent “oh”, letting out a shivering breath. Maya slid her fingers through her folds, dipping dangerously close to entering her every now and then, toying with her, swirling her fingertips, enjoying the frustration in Joan’s face as she chased her fingers with her hips just a little too much. 

With her free hand, she coaxed Joan’s chin up to open her eyes and look at her. She wanted to watch her. She got what she wanted, eye to eye with Joan’s blown pupils, her breath coming in pants over her lips, and slid a finger into her. The moan Joan made shot straight to Maya’s heat, and she pumped into her again, and again, working her open, slipping in a second finger when Joan had relaxed into the rhythm of it. Silky, hot, wet, fluttering around her fingers, drawing her in. Joan started pressing her clit into Maya’s thigh as she fucked back against Maya’s fingers, she watched her eyebrows knit together, not able to look at Maya anymore, lost in sensation. The angle was awkward, but it was worth the ache she’d have later to watch this. 

Remembering how she’d reacted before, Maya reached out to Joan with her free hand where her head had fallen to Maya’s shoulder and slid her fingers into Joan’s hair, tugged her hair back roughly as she fucked into her with increasing pressure. Joan’s hand gripped the bedsheet beside her white-knuckled, her hips stilling, losing her rhythm, keening, soft desperate noises falling from her lips. Maya twisted and curled her fingers inside her, knew she’d found what she was looking for when she felt Joan clench tightly around her fingers, let out a strangled half-sob, her hips juddering, and she came, collapsing against Maya’s chest, sticky and panting. 

Maya worked her fingers into her gently until the fluttering around her fingers finally stopped, then slid her hand away (rather reluctantly, especially at the sound Joan made). She gathered Joan up in her arms as she laid panting, trying to catch her breath. She kissed the top of Joan’s head, soothed her palm up and down her back. Joan sighed, wrapped her arm around her waist. She looked up at her with her big dark eyes, her face full of devotion.

She'd messed up a lot of things in her life, but she figured this might be the most right anything has ever been. Her heart felt so impossibly full, like she might burst, and the weight of what she felt finally dawned on her, the truth she’d been denying herself almost as long as she’d known Joan. She was her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it to the end, thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed it. This was my first ever fic, so I'm incredibly nervous to post it. I couldn't get this pairing out of my head when I watched the movie, really, the way Joan looks at Maya in nearly every scene (and calls her baby! multiple times!) was too much for my little gay heart. I had to manifest something into the universe for this ship, even if just for my own sanity. Thank you for reading.


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